4

5 Weeks

It’s official, folks. The OB’s nurse FINALLY called a bit past 1:00 this afternoon after many hours of anxious phone checking on my part. In 45 hours, my quantitative hCG levels more than doubled, from 384 to 822.

Those numbers aren’t terribly high but the doubling was all we were looking for.

I’m still crampy, gassy, and uncomfortable but very, very thankful. We will keep praying for this baby and hopefully will get to meet this one in about 8 more months.

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0

Not an Update

If you peeked in the comments of my last post you already know that the lab wasn’t able to get the results of my second quantitative hCG draw to my OB by the time they closed on Friday. My nurse did call me to tell me the lab reported that the results would be available later Friday night but that didn’t do me too much good.

I have been feeling pretty good for the last few days. The last time I spotted was Wednesday and that was just a tiny bit. The cramping has lessened and even most of the back pain has disappeared. I have so much hope and anticipation for this pregnancy but I have an equal amount of terror that this will be another mark on my already unbalanced pregnancy history.

I am trying to enjoy and be thankful for this pregnancy, however long it lasts. There have been too many months that I would have welcomed this awful in-between state over not cycling or many other issues.

I know that God did not plan infertility or loss of a child, no matter the gestational age, into the world but then came people, who did their own thing in spite of their perfect surroundings. I can accept having to live through the consequences of my own sins like what happens after lying, cheating, stealing, etc but dealing with losing multiple babies just because humans are broken? It isn’t my fault; I didn’t do anything wrong! This may be a struggle I’m trying to figure out for the rest of my life.

5

I am not Patient

So, I gave up on being patient this morning when I spotted again and called the doctor’s office. After lots of running around, the OB ordered quantitative hCG labs. Quantitative hCG labs need to be drawn 48 hours apart so I went this afternoon during Ben’s nap and I’ll go again just before lunch on Friday. Any later, the hospital won’t have time to process the lab work and get the results to the OB on time.

I had to find a lab that my insurance will pay for and of course they won’t play nice with the doctor’s office. Where I live, there are three major hospital systems and many labs, primary care doctors, and specialists belong to one hospital network or another. Since the lab isn’t part of the same hospital system as my OB, getting results to the office in time on Friday before the close will be a chore.

I am relieved that the OB did order the labs. This is the only thing that I know of that will tell us definitively what the heck is going on. Until the results come in, I’ll be praying and waiting as patiently as I can.

1

I Might Scream

If I see one more photo of a toddler wearing a future big brother or sister T-shirt on Facebook, I might scream.

No change today. I am still testing positive, have not started bleeding again, and still have strong cramps. If nothing changes by Monday of next week (the five-week mark for me), I will ask my OB for hCG level labs.

I am taking B out for Ethiopian food tomorrow night. He has never been so I’m excited to try something new with him.

3

Maybe Possibly but Possibly Not

I got a BFP on Saturday and we were very excited. I started cramping very badly and spotting yesterday and we were not very excited. I spent most of the rest of the day in bed, drinking as much water as I could hold and praying hard. The bleeding stopped and I never passed any clots, so that’s slightly reassuring.

I called my OB this morning when they opened to see what they think. The nurse I spoke to said since my period isn’t supposed to show up until tomorrow, there is a chance this is a chemical pregnancy aka “really early miscarriage” aka the egg didn’t implant correctly in the uterine wall. She instructed me to wait it out and if this is a chemical pregnancy, my period should show up within the next few days.

I don’t even know what to think anymore. I didn’t think lightning could strike in the same place twice so three times is a bit excessive in my mind. We’ll keep praying that everything is ok and this baby is healthy but I don’t know anymore. I don’t think I have enough courage to keep going.

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16 Months

Watch out! Big boy coming through!

Ben is a bundle of personality in a smallish package. He makes great faces, loves Mommy, Daddy, the kitties, Grammy, Papa, cars, balls, going bye-bye, roosters, pushing buttons (both literal and figurative), and giving hugs.

We’ve continued scheduling Grammy & Papa days even though I don’t need them as badly now as when I was pregnant. My parents love to have him over to play and he always behaves himself and takes a good nap. B and I have loved being able to go out to lunch together and have a quasi-date almost every week. We bought Ben a new convertible car seat so his old one is in my mom’s car. That way, she doesn’t feel trapped at home. I quickly discovered once Ben was out of his infant car seat that some places (like the post office) are really difficult to go to with a mobile baby.

It surprises us every time Ben remembers something that he has done before. One new favorite thing to do is to put his pointer finger on our noses and say “meep” and he takes advantage of that any time he gets close to our faces. Only a couple of months ago, he wouldn’t have remembered a fun game like that from day to day.

Ben also loves to help push buttons. Doing laundry is one of his favorite activities because he can put the clothes in the washer and dryer AND push the buttons, all of which make satisfying beep sounds. I remember starting the washer for my mom when I was small and it’s fun to see my son do the same thing. It’s also helpful to me to get him involved so he 1) Knows how to do chores and 2) Isn’t getting into trouble elsewhere while I am working. He also loves to sweep the kitchen and vacuum the rugs and carpets. We are working on getting him involved when it is time to pick up his toys. He can’t always focus very long but if we ask for him to bring us specific toys, we can put them away and he gets to help.

Our boy no longer wants to stop eating during the day. There have been a few days that he’s begged for snacks starting as soon as 10 minutes after he has finished breakfast! We’re working on figuring out how to best fill up this bottomless pit of a child. The last few days, he has had a piece of toast, a scrambled egg with cheese, and half a banana for breakfast. He loves raisins and dried apricots (‘ts for fruits), animal crackers, cheese of any kind, chicken, turkey, green beans, black beans, fruit and veggie packets (even Aldi is getting in on packet fruit), and pretty much everything else he has tried. The only things he has absolutely refused to eat no matter how many times we try are broccoli and avocado. We eat family dinner almost every night now since it is much easier to make and serve food only once in the evening.

He is still wearing size 3 disposable diapers and I haven’t had to change the snaps on his BumGenius cloth diapers in months. He is growing like a weed though; his 12 month pants and shirts are starting to get tight all over. I caught a good sale at Carter’s this month and was able to stock up on our favorite toddler jeans in 2T (so hard to believe that’s what comes after 18 months!), pjs, and sweatpants. I’ll  buy a few more 18 month short sleeved shirts when it gets warmer but I’m fairly certain we have enough for him to wear in Florida next month and during the spring, whenever it decides to come.

Ever since forcing Ben to make the transition to one afternoon nap a day, he’s consistently slept between two and three hours every day. Yesterday, when I was gone of course, he took a 3 1/2 hour nap for B! Having such a long break between getting up in the morning and nap time gives us a chance to leave the house for errands or fun outings daily. We generally have 2 grocery trips each week, maybe a trip to Target or other local store, visit the library, or play on the play structure at the mall. I’m trying to figure out good indoor activities for a small toddler that don’t cost much but give him a chance to burn some energy before nap time. We can’t wait until it gets warmer and we can go to the zoo! Ben has been obsessed with animals for the last few months and we know he’ll love it.

Ben plays with almost anything he can find in the house but really loves his doctor set, much to my surprise. I didn’t think he’d figure out how to use it until closer to his 2nd birthday but he knows how to put the stethoscope around his neck, clip the bandaid on his arm, and put the thermometer in his mouth. He also loves the VTech train B’s parents got him for Christmas (he likes to push the buttons and destroy the track after I put it together) and the stacking cups. Ben likes to bang the cups together like how Monty Python used coconuts! We played with water again this month (it lasted a lot longer than before) and I made some green paint with flour, water, and food coloring. Painting on his tray was fun and next time, I’ll definitely be stripping his clothes off before! He made such a mess!

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It is going to kill me a little to have his hair cut next month!

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Ben’s to do list: 1) Wear baby, 2) Play with animal Duplos

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Ben loved looking at the “Crrrr Tee” and all the presents he couldn’t reach

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Opening presents

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He got fsshhh in his stocking!

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All 3 of us were sick this month and Ben was miserable

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How big is Benny?! Soooooo big!

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Checking out Sesame Street for the first time

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He was soaked but didn’t want to stop playing with the water

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Ben got this chair from his Aunt K because she outgrew it. It’s his favorite new thing (and will get added to his big boy room whenever that happens)