Sledgehammer of Sadness

There are some days that are great. The sun is shining, there is hope.
There are other days where sadness and despair hits like a sledgehammer. Today is one of those days.
Friends of ours are having a baby, which, in and of itself is not that strange. However, they are having their honeymoon baby. They are at the hospital, in labor and very close to having their honeymoon baby. We are excited for them, having a baby is an amazing step for their family.
It hurts me a little that they are expecting a small bundle of joy 9 short months after their wedding but we’re stuck here, 3 years into our marriage with close to no hope that we’ll ever be able to build our family without spending thousands of dollars on one method or another. It hurts a little that I might never get to feel a baby kick or fully understand what a contraction really feels like. This aching emptiness in our lives might not ever be filled and that is terrifying.
The appointment with the urologist is not until May 5. That is an excruciating long wait. I just hope we get good news.
I keep telling myself that although we’ve gotten lots of bad news from lots of different directions, no one has told us that it’s impossible yet. I can still hope for that surprise.


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